Week 8 Weigh-In

 

Moderation...It Works!!!!

 

 

Week 8...This was the weigh-in I've been dreading. Christmas season...my favorite time of the year. I love Christmas. A time of giving, reflection and thanks...Not to mention a big 'eating season' for me. I already mention my wife's yearly "Cookiepalooza" festivities. If it can fit on a cookie sheet, she is throwing some ginger or chocolate on it and tossing it in the oven. She doesn't skimp on the dinner or hors d'oeuvres either. The "12 Temptation of Christmas" staring me in the face and I had a decision to make...

 

...now, while I must admit that for three days I indulged(I started my cookie sampling the day before Christmas Eve), I incorporated a technique that I am not to familiar with...Moderation. My gregarious nature has always been my downfall when it comes to the 'Battle of the Bulge'. There has never been a call for seconds that I would turn down. If "it tasted nice, I'd try it twice"...Well this year I did not pass on anything. The only difference was that I assured myself that the second helpings that I was passing on was in no way better than the first I devoured. This was major for me. So did my method work? I stepped on the scale this morning with baited breath...

 

...only cool skinny guys can pull of wearing the 70's retro tube socks!

 

 

...I couldn't be happier. Even with 3 days of being somewhat off my diet, I lost 6.6 pounds. This brings my 8 week total to 32 pounds. I also proved to myself that I can take a day or two every now and then and indulge. Just do it with moderation!


With a little less than 5 weeks left, I have just 8 pounds to go to meet the lower end of my goal of 40 to 50 pounds. The upper end of that goal looks within reach as well...and that is what I intend on reaching.



***Please make sure to donate to Ocean Cure. I am worried that I am not mentioning enough that this is a fundraiser for a tremendous organization that does so much for so many. Feel free to forward to anyone who might find this blog useful or entertaining. Thanks!!!***

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis






This Christmas...

...what I've received this season

So here we are, just two days shy of Christmas. Our shopping is done, presents just about all wrapped, I even scored a set of replacement lights for the tree just last night. It's not easy finding lights 3 days before Christmas (mental note for next year...BE PREPARED!!!). The house smells great from the yearly "Cookiepalooza" extravaganza my wife partakes in. The biggest stress is the occasional last-minute lamentations of the younger guys over which side of the "Naughty/Nice" list they might be landing on.

I suppose the biggest challenge in the Christmas season in our house, is keeping the focus on where it truly belongs, on the birth of Christ. As a family that prays together and attempts to incorporate our faith into our daily lives, it often bewilders me how we get caught up in the commercialization of the season we hold so sacred despite our best intentions not to. That being said, on a personal level, I have found a sort of personal revelation of my purpose in the very endeavor that I have been focusing this blog on.

In the days preceding the start of my "mission", I spent a lot of time worried, excited and distressed over what I'd just committed myself to. After years of trying to shed the excess weight I'd been carrying around, I knew I would not accomplish it on my own account. So I put the burden where I knew I would embrace it the most, on one of my loved ones. Tying it into a fundraiser for some great people and blogging about it was going to keep me honest...and it has. Before doing this, I never thought I'd be where I am now, over the halfway point and at about 30 pounds lost (a little preview for my Friday weigh-in there). I am eating healthier, feeling healthier, LIVING healthier than ever before. I also feel I've had some other, deeper benefits from my undertaking.

The fact that I picked this time of year to start a fundraiser would probably not be considered the ideal frame of the calendar for most. It was mid-October when a flood of ideas and impulses hit me at one time. For starters, we were still spending Fridays going to Wrightsville Beach ,"Access 4 at 4" for our weekly sessions with "Team Jellyfish", Ocean Cures Fall tradition of adaptive surfing with some of their most devoted beneficiaries, Tommy being one of the regulars. I had been considering different ways to run a fundraiser for these folks who do so much and ask so little in return. I was also been getting more than a little concerned with my weight, which topped out at around 270 pounds at around this time. Not good for someone 5'11" tall and 48 years of age. This with the fact that I enjoy writing and had participated in blogs in the past, it all just seemed to come together. Just one problem, when should I start this diet/fundraiser/diary???
I decided that putting it off to the New Year, might just put it off permanently. In spite of the cons, like, asking for donations around Christmas and finishing up before tax returns are being received. I knew that the longer I had to make myself wait, the colder my feet were going to get...

Now, back to two days before Christmas and I'm realizing that not only do I have the supreme confidence in succeeding in this crazy challenge I put myself up to, but I am feeling a greater connection to Christ as a result of it. Christ's incarnation was to open the gates of heaven for us who chose to follow him. It was a fatherly decision made on behalf of His children. A sacrifice, one that He knew what the outcome would mean. Now I know that me stepping on a scale and taping my mouth shut to lose some weight that I myself put there, to God Himself taking human form and suffering the pains of the cross for our salvation, pales greatly in comparison (understatement of the year alert). This still happens to be a cross for me. A very real cross, one that I use to reject.  Now, I'm embracing it. For my family's sake...finally.

Through Christ’s example, I am given the strength to accomplish this. Taking the life of a poor carpenter is about as humbling as it can get. Born in a manger, rejected, turned away, fleeing from Herod's savagery, dying an unimaginable human death, all so we can be with Him and in His presence. Just as Christ wanted and chose us, the choice I'm making right now is for my wife and children, so I can enjoy them and they can enjoy me, in good health and spirit. Sure you can say my choice is for me as well, but if it were only about me, then it would just be about pride and vanity. That was never my style. This choice to become healthy and fit is about my desire to be there for them and to be an example for them in both body and soul. Take whatever suffering involved in finally losing this weight and just offer it up to God for the suffering of others.
To imitate Christ, as insufficient in its comparison as it may be.

My goal has taken on an even greater meaning for me and has given me even more purpose.

A Merry and Blessed Christmas to all!

1 Peter 2:21~For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps

Understanding Anxious, Part Dux

Don't Panic...Don't Panic...Okay, PANIC!!!

Ahhhh....bonding time. Those special moments when it is just you and a loved one can be open and honest, just the two of you, no interruptions and no inhibitions. For Tommy and I, these moments are tailor made for our 15 minute car ride to his middle school. After taking the bus to elementary school, Tara and I figured that an 11 year old with autism, would be served better if he were spared the daily "Lord of the Flies" bus ride that the 6th through 8th graders partake in. It was a rough age when I was a kid. Tommy's older siblings all agreed that this was a wise move, unanimously declaring that middle school...well...let's just say it was the low point of their academic careers.

It is during these rides that we try to get in Tommy's head, as he is not prone to initiate conversation and offer his worries up himself. This is why things tend to bottle up and we get what I mentioned in a previous post, "the Mento's/Coke Effect"  with our young Thomas. It was during one of these recent 'ride and talks' that we experienced one of the occasional moments where an outside force comes with it's own Mento, and drops it in Tommy's Coke right in front of your nose...and theirs nothing you can do about it but ride it out....

The Christmas music was playing from the local pop radio station that goes Yuletide the day after Thanksgiving. We were talking about which was our favorite float from the Macy's parade when it hit. That in mistakable sound from the radio, a sound more annoying than the Spice Girls "Tell-me-wot-chew-wont-wot-chew-really-really-wont..." song and slightly less annoying than Gilbert Gottfried's voice...

"AFLAC!!!"

Yeppers...The "Emergency Alert Systems" alarm goes off aside from annoying the heck out of his hyper-auditory senses, it plunges us right into defcon-one "Panic Mode"...

Radio: Eeeeeee---aaaa----gggggggg---hhhhhhhh.............
Tommy (covering ears): OH NO!!!! FLASH FLOOD!!!
Me: Don't worry, it's probably just a test Tommy, happens all the time, do you want me to turn it off?
Tommy: Yes please...NO! What if it's a real emergency?...JUST CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!! 
Radio (new station): Eeeeeee---aaaa----gggggggg---hhhhhhhh.............
Tommy: OH BOY...THIS IS BAD...WHAT COULD IT BE???? A TWISTER??? A HURRICANE???
Me (trying another station, getting the same): I'm pretty sure it's a test Tommy. They have to do them...
Tommy(interrupting and not having any of it): IT'S A TSUNAMI...OR A TORNADO...AN ALIEN INVASION...
Me (wishing they were playing a Spice Girl song about now...): ...sigh....
Radio: This has been a test of the "Emergency Alert System" blah-blah-blah....
Tommy: Thank goodness, that was close...



Well, that might have been about the longest 30 seconds of my life... Now, how to 'data-dump' the files upon files of 70's era Armageddon-disaster movie images this poor guy has stuck in his head before hew gets to school?

A quick pep talk of encouragement and a stop at the Micky D's drive through for an order of Cinnamelts did the trick...after all, I'm Captain Sensitive now...But left to his own devices, like any other kid, Tommy is going to fill in the pieces of what he doesn't know, the best way he can.


Alarm noise from the radio=Emergency=Panic mode

...makes sense I guess.

So here we are, a weekend removed from one of the most horrific scenes a parent could imagine. As painful as it is, my wife and I told all of our children what had occurred in Connecticut this past Friday. Better hearing it from us first. We knew other kids would be talking about it, especially in middle school. Tommy came home knowing more details than what we gave, but he did okay with it. He was as prepared as he could be for this 'loss of innocence' moment. We didn't want him 'filling in the pieces' with this one, or any of our other children for that matter.

Prayers for all those who are suffering from this senseless tragedy.
God bless.

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis 

A Day Late...

...and 6.2 Pounds Short

My 2 week weigh-in was yesterday and while I did weigh myself I failed to post. So for those who were waiting with baited breath, I am happy to report that my 'decline of the waistline' is still in effect. In addition to the elliptical, I have be sprinkling in some 'road work' here and there. Much to my surprise, I banged out 5K on my very first try and my "Clydesdale trot' is at around a 10 minute mile pace..."Run, Fatboy...Run!!!" Needless to say, my cardio improvement has gone beyond my expectations. The only disappointment was that I 'only' lost 6.2 pounds. I guess since I am feeling so good and LOOKING better, I thought it would have been more.

Not to worry though, this doesn't mean a reversion back to my old ways where I'd give up and get a 6 pack of Landsharks, a sack of Wise potato chips and replant my roots on the couch for a day of ESPN. Heck, I went to the garage pantry to get some healthy snacks and my old pal Amos (of the Famous Amos cookie brand) said he almost didn't recognize me...and that after being so close for soooooo many years...it almost hurt!!!

No, while I was hoping for another 10 pound 2 week weigh-in, I am more than happy with the 6.2 and I'm looking even more forward to December 28th's visit to the scale. I feel empowered and healthy for a change.

Donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

"Losing My Awareness"...

...Isn't that an R.E.M. Song???

 So what do you get when you cross an 11 year old boy with autism and an obsession with cracking password codes with an 18 year old big sisters Ipod...just sitting there...staring at him...waiting for him...BEGGING him to access it? Well, you end up with our latest bit of 'DRAMA' in the Lewis house! Now before we go any further, I will defend my darling daughter Molly by saying she is probably Tommy's 'Number Two' in our house next to his mama. She is a source of comfort and understanding that he truly relies on when it comes to coping with things. She is also a huge advocate for him as well as other children with autism, using her talents as a sponsored longboarder and surfer, volunteering with Ocean Cure and other surf/skate related charity camps. Here is a heartwarming video she made to promote one of them:

In fact, 'Autism Awareness' has been something practiced within our house from the time we found out Tommy was affected by it. Tommy's other big sister Breda, at the ages 8 to 10, was Tara's right hand for the two and a half years she was doing ABA/DTT therapy twice a day in our home, helping her out every step of the way. All of Tommy's younger siblings, aside from being completely understanding of some of the restrictions autism can put on our home, have made it their own practice to reach out to all of the kids they know who go to 'Room 212' like their brother did when he was attending elementary school with them. His big brother John did his high school senior project on the benefits of action related sports on children with autism, holding his own one day skate clinic himself:



Now, even with of all of these great things, there are times when we have our 'human moments'. Ones where we forget who we are dealing with and the approach required for getting the best results from Tommy. Molly, despite her fantastic relationship with Tommy was about to learn this. Upon pick up her Ipod and finding it locked up and unable to access from Tommy trying one wrong password to many....

Molly(getting about as loud as dad can): "TOMMY!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY IPOD!!!!"

Tommy(trying to lay on 'the charm'): "S-s-s-soooorrrryyy..."

Molly(unmoved...): "DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE SORRY, JUST DON' TOUCH MY THINGS!!!"

Tommy(crushed, betrayed and a whole lot of other 'my dog-just-died' feelings): "Molly, how could you...you've...lost...your...AUTISM AWARENESS!!!"

Perception is everything in the world of autism...Molly learned in one quick moment something I already knew (but could never figure out how to address until recently).  How the first step to getting anywhere with Tommy, was to gain his trust. High emotion, will not be received, but rejected. It works as its own barrier. The stronger the emotional reaction towards Tommy, the more resistant he will become to what you are trying to get through to him. Molly just learned this the hard way.

It is said that it takes an aircraft carrier going 20 knots will require a couple of miles to do a complete U-turn. This can be comparable with dealing with a child with autism who you do not have a strong basis of trust with. I was that aircraft carrier for a long time. Molly on the other hand, was no aircraft carrier. Her relationship with Tommy is more like that of a small sports car. One good heart-to-heart and a couple of 'Tommy hugs' and their ship was back on course. She got her 'Awareness' back.

So now we have a teachable moment, one that whenever I think of it, it makes me think of the old R.E.M song, "Losing my Religion" (I know, I'm a bit of a goob like that when I get something corny like that stuck in my head). It also makes it clear the importance of not just preaching the 'Awareness', but living it as well. It was also a teachable moment for Tommy, who got to see one of his most reliable comforters and confidants slip a bit, but after a little dialog and renewed commitment, things can return to normal. It was not "The End of the World as He Knows it".

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis





When the Gospel Comes to Life...

...A Scriptural Comparison...

And some men brought on a stretcher a man who was paralyzed; they were trying to bring him in and set [him] in his presence. But not finding a way to bring him in because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on the stretcher through the tiles into the middle in front of Jesus. When he saw their faith, he said, “As for you, your sins are forgiven". ~ Luke 5:17-20



This has always been one of my favorite passages from scripture. From the time our son Tommy was diagnosed with autism it has grown to mean so much more, especially in light of the people who we have been exposed to. One of our biggest wishes that my wife and I have regarding Tommy, is him finding his place in life. That he isn't just 'dealt with' or 'maintained'. That his fullest potential can be reached. 

We live in a social society and when you are challenged with autism, it can be quite difficult to fit those social parameters. Finding people willing to 'open a hole in a roof' for him from time to time, enabling him to show his own glory is the most we can ask for. Without such help, you are talking about a sort of 'social paralysis' for a child on the spectrum. One that can be as debilitating as any sort of physical paralysis.

The disciples in this passage were faced with a challenge themselves. Like everyone else in Capernaum that day, they wanted to hear the word of Christ. What all others would soon be experiencing was something that they would not allow their paralytic friend to be denied. Through their own benevolence, determination and ingenuity they ensured that their friend would see their Lord in all his glory. Most importantly, it was their faith, which spurred the actions that helped bring about his healing.

While I cannot lay claim to witnessing the actions of these disciples from the gospel, I can say that I have seen the actions and the fruits of those who have followed their example. The men and women who give so generously at Ocean Cure carry their example on a regular basis. Their love of one of God's great gifts, the ocean is indeed great. It is also a love that they would hate to see others deprived of, due to any sort of barrier, whether it be mental, physical or social. They are the ones who are cutting through the roof, building the door or opening windows to create whatever portal necessary required for those with these sorts of limitation to appreciate this gift of nature. Not to mention the wonder and awe one can experience from it. From the wounded vet to a blind child, the boy with autism to the woman looking to restore her dignity in surviving breast cancer, from the inner city girl with HIV to the paraplegic who must be lowered onto the surfboard itself. These are the people that are experiencing the type of healing Ocean Cure has to offer. The type of cure that comes with the realization that I CAN go beyond the boundaries that might seem so apparent due to my limitation...and the realization that I have caring people that will help me face and overcome these obstacles.

I have often heard reference to the 'gospel coming to life'. I am sure these moments occur everyday. Unfortunately, me being the type who is sometimes too blind to see the forest due to the trees being in the way, I usually tend to miss them. Not so whenever I see one of the above categorized people pull an "Ocean Cure' rash guard on, pair up with an instructor who will 'lower them from the roof' so they can bravely challenge their limitations. I can see the 'gospel come to life' very clearly then.

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

Just Like Riding a Bike...

...Easy...for some...

In an earlier post I had mentioned Izzy Paskowitz of Surfer's Healing and his " Epiphany Moment" while surfing with his son. I said that I did not benefit from such a personal moment myself when I realized that was not really true. Back in August, I taught Tommy how to ride a bike and the moment was pretty special. It gave our relationship the boost that was so needed, where trust was finally established and understanding became its foundation.
I shared this moment as a Facebook post and I got a lot of positive feedback from it. It was probably somewhat of a catalyst for this blog. I figure it has its place here and that I should share it:

From August 6th 2012:

Best feeling of accomplish I've had recently? I taught the final person in my house, unable to ride a bike to do so today. Some of my little guys took off on their own, others needed me by their side, each time it was special. But today's milestone was REAL special. The last person to ride a bike was not the youngest, it was our 11 year old Tommy. Someone with autism has a different way of learning as well as a different clock to learn on. For a guy who overcomes things every day of his life, riding a bike for whatever reason was one of the most stressful, anxious challenges for him. We respected that and gave him his space, I'll admit that I might even have been relieved that he was giving ME a pass on this task (There can be drama at times with Tommy!). Some kids with autism will just go about life without saying what they are feeling, so you just assume everything is okay. This is how things are with Tommy sometimes. You can imagine how Tara and I felt when at the end of school year he blurted out, "I'm the only kid in the 5th grade and the only one in the house who can't ride a bike!" My mission became clear.
This new desire to ride a bike did not make it any easier to teach Tommy. Our 'Man of Many Stresses' still had concerns . "My tooth is loose", "Do I need elbow and knee pads?" "Can John(big brother) come too?"("...how about airbags Tommy? Will that make you feel better?" I was refrained from asking him by my more prudent wife!). Last week we had a trial run, with the method I used in the past with the kiddo's who were having a hard time. We would ride along the base paths at the baseball field, and I'd run along side and help them keep balance with a pole I have rigged to the frame of the bike. John did come with us and we both thought Tommy was on the right track, but we decided not to push it. Today it was just going to be me and Tommy. I'll confess now, I am not the best person in the house when it comes to dealing with Tommy. Maybe the better way to say it is that I am not the best one in the house when it comes to dealing with autism. Today it was him and me though. He started peddling and I started jogging by his side, my hand over the makeshift steering compensator I had fixed to the frame. After three laps of him pumping the peddles around the bases and me making idle chit chat, the angle of the sun cast our shadows in such a way for him to see, that something I was not ready to tell him yet, became obvious. "Dad, I don't think you have been holding onto the handle...", "No Tommy, you just rode two and a half laps by yourself..." I half expected him to get scared at the realization and crash, instead I got to see the purest smile I've ever seen in my life. He did it. I couldn't be prouder of both of us at this moment. Proud of my son finding the courage to once again face something that might seen simple and benign to the rest of us, but can be terrifying for a child like himself. And I am not ashamed to admit, proud of myself, for finding the right approach in helping him utilize his courage. It was a moment I'll always hold close, and a smile I'll never forget!

The things one can take for granted when your child is"normal" are numerous and go without notice. Learning to ride a bike, while always a 'milestone' event in a child's life, is more often than not an expectation. One that comes and goes like learning to tie a shoe or getting dressed by oneself, right up to teaching you child to drive a car. Not always so when you're talking about someone "living on the spectrum". Experiencing moments like these with your special needs child are even more rewarding as they are examples of hope fulfilled.

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

Week Four...2nd Weigh-In...

...Let's See If Working Out Has Helped Any...

I didn't think I'd be saying this after four weeks, but this has been going easier than I thought it would. I gave myself Thanksgiving. Turkey, mashed potatoes, rolls, apple pie, Tara's famous chocolate pumpkin cheese cake, I did not skimp. I even had a few beers. The next day, right back to the diet without instance. Whoop-dee-doo me!

I started doing the elliptical after week 2. I am doing around 45 to 60 minutes, 5 days a week. So far so good. I plan on taking it on the road in a week or two. I always enjoyed jogging so once I take a few more pounds off(for the sake of my knees) I'll be hitting the bricks.

I did weigh myself a couple of days ago and I'll have to say, I was pleased with the results. Let's see what the official 4 week mark will be...

 

 

Yesssss!!! 10 more pounds, 19.2 pounds in 4 weeks. Right around where I think I should be. It's pizza night tonight in the Lewis house. I think I'll have a guilt-free slice!

Donate @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis
 



 

You Ever Get The Feeling You're Being Watched...?

...Or Judged/Ridiculed/Mocked/Sentenced, etc., etc...



Definition from Merriam-Websters:
melt·down

 noun \ˈmelt-ˌdau̇n\

Definition of MELTDOWN

1: the accidental melting of the core of a nuclear reactor

2: a rapid or disastrous decline or collapse

3: a breakdown of self-control (as from fatigue or overstimulation)

...ahhhhhh the old meltdown...Anyone reading who does not have a child on the spectrum will think that I am strictly referring to the 2nd and 3rd meanings of the definition of this word. This when I refer to the public breakdown of a child with autism who has just maxed out their tolerance level.

Uh-uh...

They can be nuclear, cataclysmic, seismic, inter-galactic-bombastic, yet very human, all rolled into one. The "meltdown factor" becomes the most critical element for special needs parents in day-to-day planning. Everything from a trip to Target to a doctor's appointment must be properly coordinated. "First time events" like going to movies, family vacations and other social events can often require dry-runs as well as verbal and visual prep.

...If not, the inexperienced or unprepared parent will experience the eventual, inevitable...When a meltdown occurs, you can feel the eyes turn towards you and your child. Sure some folks will pretend they don't notice, by kindly going about their business like nothing is wrong. Some might even give a smile or a sympathetic look. Perhaps they have had their own personal experiences with their own child. Maybe they have a friend with someone on the spectrum or they are just one of those compassionate types with a good heart. Unfortunately, the looks that you will notice, even FEEL the most, will be from the eyes of the ones who are judging you and your child without either an ounce of empathy for what the child or parent are going through. Even a child 'stimming' will garner the strange look or stare, that can sometimes come with the shake of a head. The look often says something like "lousy parenting". At least that is what my best attempt at reading looks is telling me that it says. Someone projecting this look wants me to put on my Pee-Wee Herman voice and say, "Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer!" Instead, I try not to give in to spite and say a prayer for such an individual. Before you shrug that one off as futile, consider this...

Several years ago, after attending Mass at our parish, my wife received an anonymous written to her, basically apologizing  for misjudging her as a parent our first couple of years attending this parish. When we first got to St. Therese Catholic Church in Wrightsville Beach, our son Tommy was around 3 and a half years of age and recently diagnosed with autism. Some people did not take to this large family with the 3 year old that the parents had a hard time controlling.

Now, the purpose of me relating this is not to point out that some Christians can be hypocrites. As far as I'm concerned, we all are, higher power or not. The point is that this individual probably had very little dealings with children on the spectrum. They probably had some ideas on what good parents produce and left to their own devices, connected the dots and came up with their own conclusion. This individual I'm sure became re-educated after a couple of years watching us as a struggling family that never gave up at keeping this hard-to-handle little boy exposed to his faith, yet would remove him when he got to out of hand as to not be too disruptive. I'm also sure this individual then asked around and learned, sure their hands are full, their son has autism. Bottom line, they misjudged, apologized and now they advocate for us (While this individual sent the letter annonymously, we are pretty certain we know who they are. They are now a complete 180 in their attitude towards Tommy and the rest of us). They saw the cross that is such an integral part of our faith, being carried out through our son and his sufferings.

This is how to convert hearts and minds. You charitably re-educate them. Despite being somewhat of a cynic myself, I do believe that most people are good. That learning what autism is and how painful it can be for the child that has it, can take years to better understand. It took me a long time to build a relationship with my own flesh and blood due to my lack of understanding. Do you think it will be any easier for a stranger to grasp? Would I be one of the ones staring in judgment or without compassion?

As far as the rest of my parish goes, Tommy is now a well known and adored member. Sure a few people will still give 'the stare' now and then. The boy who loves to hug everyone instead of shaking their hands at the 'Kiss of Peace' moment of the Mass is not understood by all those we kneel in prayer with. But like the rest of the world who do not understand our Tommy, or the 1 in 88 children like him, I hope that they will someday get to view these children with Gods eyes and see just what they are missing. There is so much more than the occasional meltdown. 

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

 

It's a "Dad Thing", Even We Don't Understand...

My Wife: Can we just pull over and ask someone for directions???
Me: Don't worry, I know where we're going...
My Wife: I know you know where you WANT to go...
Me: What are you trying to say?
My Wife (losing patience): We're lost!!!
Me (Still in that river in Africa...): Naaaahhhhh.....

Rod Serling: What you are hearing is a conversation. One that has transpired throughout the black hole of the highways and back  roads of Americana. It has happened in the past, it will happen tomorrow, it is happening right now. For, wherever there is a husband and wife on a road trip without the aid of a Garmin or Tom Tom, the male ego will undeniably be forever lost, along with his destination and his wife's wits...in...The Twilight Zone...

Okay, so us men are wired differently. I'll admit it (There, I feel so much better just admitting that). Sometimes us guys have "Denial Issues". Unfortunately, they do not always stop once we finally park the car in the driveway from such a journey as mentioned above. Sometimes the denial is in accepting that their child (especially their sons) have special needs. Like the wrong turn that we think we can retrace our way back from without the aid of a map or directions, we tend to think our special needs child will "grow out of it" or that"I can't deal with him/her".

I envy the dad who does not have this problem. I view myself as a "recovering denier", though Tara will tell me that I was not that bad about it. Maybe that is because my denial is not the former type I mention above. I am/was the latter type who "couldn't deal" with Tommy's autism. You see, I am loud, where I need to be soft as he is extremely auditory. I can give the disapproving stare or  the "mean mug" (as my sister calls it) and cross my arms in judgement with the best of them (once a cop...). As sensitive as he is to an angry tone, he is just as sensitive and attune to body language. Combine these two factors with my previously mentioned connoisseurship of sarcasm and I had already benched myself and much of my fatherly duties towards him as having three strikes and out. He seemed to prefer moms touch anyway.  What I had become so dense to notice, was that she would not ask me to take care of any issues with him like she would sometimes do with the other kids to catch a much needed break. This was not because she was overly protective of him, it was because me dealing with him often made things WORSE. He was apprehensive being around me, something my other guys never seemed to be.

I know I am not the only dad to have become this way when it has came to their special needs child. About four and a half years ago, when Tommy first breakthrough with surfing came via the Surfer's Healing session he took part in, I read an article about Surfer's Healing's founder Izzy Paskowitz. I was surprised to learn that much like myself, he ran and hid from the realities of autism and dealing with his son Isaiah. It took a day at the beach and their own major breakthrough surfing for him to have a relationship with his son. Being the man that he is, he turned this moment with Isaiah into an amazing surfing ministry, one that has given so many children on the spectrum, as well as their parents so much hope. As much as Surfer's Healing has done for Tommy and my family, I still had to one problem to deal with...

...Charlie being be me in this case...

Seriously though, I still had this "denial" thing going. Like with my other children, I deeply desired to have a relationship with my son Tommy. But like the wrong turn on the road trip, my thick-headedness would continue to prevent me from adapting to my sons needs to make that relationship happen.

I'd like to say I had an "epiphany" moment like Izzy did with his boy. I will give credit where credit is due and tip my hat to my better half for where Tommy and I are at today. Though I am sure my perception much of the time was that she was badgering me, it was her constant advice to "open the map" and change my direction with our son that helped change me. This past year I've made a more conscious attempt than ever to deal with him in a nature that is friendly to what he is sensitive to. I have had my ups and downs with it, but I can say my attempts have been honest and true.  Then I started to notice something. Tommy seemed to be trusting me more, even seeking me out for help with things. Sure, mom will be the "go-to" gal in our house, but dad didn't seem to be as bad as he was a few months earlier for Tommy! I finally feel like I have a relationship with Tommy. I couldn't be more blessed.

So maybe I can start a support group or something. How does D.A.D.D.A.  (Dads Against Dense Denial of Autism) sound? Just keep telling yourself guys, the denial you swallow might look like crow, but it tastes like chicken! The first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem!

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

***Also, if you'd like to learn more about Izzy Paskowitz, from his well documented "different" upbringing, time as a pro surfer and the simple moment of bonding with his son that turned into the biggest thing in the coastal autism community, do yourself a favor...READ HIS BOOK!***

Scratching The Horizon

It is a great read, you won't be disappointed! 

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving from "The Richest Man in Town"

I know I am a day late posting this, but I am no less thankful today than I was yesterday for the wonderful life I've been given. Sometimes I can forget these things, getting caught up in the material and perceptual world views that take over ones senses. As a huge movie fan, I often find myself referencing lines from  movies. One that I always found most fitting for myself is from a film whose main character realizes just how wonderful his own life is; George Bailey from (you guessed it!), "It's a Wonderful Life". When George's brother raises his glass at the end to toast his brother as "the richest man in town", it is clear that his blessings are not due to fame, power or monetary gain. Unlike George, I've never had a Clarence stumble into my life to point out my blessings, but I know my Guardian Angel has done his best to redirect my focus to what my greatest treasures truly are. My family.

A man couldn't be more blessed with a family like the one have been given.

Would you like to meet them?

One of my favorite pics:
The Lewis kids, Christmas 2009 (w/Bella)

My wife Tara is a ball of fire, my love and my best friend. She is the straw that stirs the drink in our home. The best motivator, organizer and a true woman of faith. She is a fearless advocate for our children, who has put aside a very successful career as a pediatric ER nurse to be a stay at home mom. This to me, in this day and age, is the embodiment of  selflessness.

Our oldest John, is a brilliant, articulate and sensitive college sophomore. He was (and still is) the type of young man that adults take a liking to, with his easy going demeanor and affable nature. He is also great with young kids, a better big brother could not be asked for.

Molly is our oldest daughter, a high school senior. Like her momma, another ball of fire. She makes the most of her many talents and offers them readily to help others. Her self motivation and drive is truly something to behold.

Next is Breda our high school junior. She is our math/science/computer whiz. Any project I might be working on that needs a little abstract thought, Breda is my go-to gal. She is also an entertaining resource for the younger guys, as a walking-talking encyclopedia on nature and science!

Then comes Tommy, our 6th grade middle schooler. Bright and witty and the inspiration for us all. His autism will not be the defining factor of his person. He is compassionate and caring with a love of nature unparalleled. His autism has been a challenge to us all to raise the bar within ourselves. He is our barometer for our own levels of compassion, tolerance and patience. His presence in our family has made us all better human beings.

After Tommy is Brendan who is in the 4th grade. Brendan has the most tremendous desire for justice for a boy his age I've ever seen! A hard and conscientious worker, he takes pride in earning what is his, whether it is grades, allowance or rewards.

Patrick is our 3rd grade, happy-go-lucky guy. A great personality with a slight mischievous streak, Pat likes to march to the beat of his own drum. How so? Well this is a boy who has called Johnny Cash his favorite singer since he was 4 years old! Need I say more?

Finally there is our baby Annie, 2nd grade. She has a heart of gold with an independent spirit. I think she forgets that she is just 7 years old, but that is okay. Most of the time she can pull off whatever she takes on, charming the world as she goes on her way!

So there you have it, my family. My strength, my inspiration and ALL my wealth.
Who can be richer?

For this I am eternally thankful...

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

"Captain Sarcasm Meets Literal Boy"

...or, "Just the Facts Man, Just the Facts"

All righty then...I'll start out by saying something that right away will not sound so good... "In my defense" ***cringes*** (that never sounds good, does it?), I would like to point out several facts:
1~ I am the youngest of seven from an Irish-Catholic family
B~ I grew up in Brooklyn, NY
III~I did 4 years in the Navy
Lastly~ I am a retired NYC Police Officer

...Sarcasm has been a way of LIFE for me. Born into it, raised on it, perfected it in some of the most unforgiving work environments you can imagine(The only being on earth, equal in sarcasm to a Navy man, is a member of the NYPD). One might say I've gained 'Super Sarcasm' powers. "Mighty is my power..."

Most of my children have been delving into the fine art of flippancy a time or two themselves...except one of course...You see, autism and sarcasm are not a very good match. This is a reality that I, "Captain Sarcasm" must face each and every day. You see, my son Tommy has 'anti-sarcasm' powers. Powers that negate my sarcasm and turn them against me...he is..."Literal Boy". His powers are to take all that is said at face value, no matter what...

EXAMPLE:

Literal Boy: Dad, can I have a hot dog for lunch?

Captain Sarcasm: Sure Tommy, who looks tastier,  Rosie or Bella? (A boy should have a choice when it comes to yummy pets)

Literal Boy: AGGGHHH!!!!

Captain Sarcasm(scratching head): Hmmm, that should have went over better...

Six other youngsters in my house, at this age or younger, would have been doubled over while worshiping at the altar of my sophomoric humor. But not "Literal Boy". "Captain Sarcasm" needed to find a new approach to maintain balance in the "Justice League". "Literal Boy's" brothers Pat ("Moody-Mini-Hulk") and Brendan ("Captain Overly-Scrupulous") would bust a gut over a threat to make them sleep in the garage if they don't quite down. If our Tommy heard such an utterance, I'd seriously have to worry about him dropping dime on me to DSS! Sarcasm doesn't work with him. It just ain't happening here, no matter how clever I think I am.

While I might be making light of it, addressing sarcasm is the actually the easy part of watching what you say around someone as literal as our son. A sarcastic comment takes a second of thought before it is spoken. Imparting a bit of self control to my 'super sarcasm power' seems to do the trick. The tough part is those darn metaphors that seem to pop up in everyday conversation. "Raining cats and dogs" can sound apocalyptic to a child with autism. Telling Tommy to "shake a tail feather" when I'm in a hurry would certainly NOT prompt him to rush to catch up to me. It might make him stop dead in his tracks to look and see if anything is growing out of his backside that he might have overlooked.

The stress that comes with a misunderstood comment is something we deal with from time to time. I can give some whopping examples, some which I'll touch on in future posts. The point I guess, is that the 'super-powers' a parent of a child on the spectrum needs to tap into are sensitivity and patience. These powers, wrapped in an ability to step outside of the box and attempt to perceive and interpret from the child's point of view is true heroism. The ones displaying THOSE powers are the real super heroes for a child with autism. 

So after much pondering in my "Fortress of Solitude", "Captain Sarcasm" is deferring his duties to "Captain Sensitive".  

***pssst...don't tell anyone, but they have the same secret identity!!!***


Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

Because Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh

Anyone who has ever experienced the surreal environment of an IEP meeting or a sit-down with any form of administrative "educational evaluator" working for the school district should appreciate this one. My wife deals with this a whole lot more than me, but I can say first-hand that I heard one of these folks who was assigned to my son for 3 or 4 years, come into a meeting and say with a straight face, "Now, can I see a picture of Tommy, I want to make sure I am talking about the right child here".

Remember parents, the best advocate for your child is YOU!!!

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

Drum Roll Please...

 

...The Two Week Weigh-in

 

 

"The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated"~Mark Twain


I Must admit I always wanted to use that quote. The fact that I haven't posted in over a week might be leading some to think that I have abandoned my diet and was now participating in a covert operation to end the labor actions being taken against the Hostess Snack Cake company. Nope, I'm still here and still on my diet. I did participate in a five day trek to NY to check in on my family and assist with the Hurricane Sandy relief efforts. I'll admit, while there, I tossed back a few brews and indulged in some good old New york pizza with my loved ones (hard to get on my high horse about dieting with people clearing the debris from their flooded homes as they offer you THEIR hospitality). I DID take part in some pretty physical work while there, so as I approached the scale the morning, I was hoping that the unplanned libation would be cancelled out by the extra sweat.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase and see how I fared...

 

 

255.2 pounds...

 

...I'll admit, I thought I'd do a few pounds better than 9.2 (12 lbs. was what I was targeting), but I'll take it. I will be stepping up with work outs this weekend. I started with long walks and tomorrow I'm advancing to the elliptical...


...cue the theme from 'Rocky' and stand back!!!

Please donate to Ocean Cure @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis



The Cause...

This photo is from one of their camps for the visually impaired...how beautiful is this???

I figure now that I am a week into my mission (and I haven't killed anyone from a 'snack jones' during my junk food detox period...),   that it might be a good time to give a better intro to the group that I am raising money for, Ocean Cure.

From their webpage:

Ocean Cure is a local 501c3 non-profit organization dedicated to giving free surf lessons to medically fragile and at risk youth and adults. We at Ocean Cure believe very strongly in the powerful emotional and physical healing properties of the ocean and surfing. During our charity surf camps for fragile and at-risk youth and adults our highly qualified instructors guide participants through their fear and apprehension around an activity that they otherwise thought impossible. Through surfing they are empowered to feel that their is no obstacle that they can not overcome. The waves extend beyond the personal experience and extend to the family members to build a positive relationship and common bond with families who are sharing the same experiences.

I can't explain this great organization much better than this, but I'll give it the Tom Lewis 'personal expounding treatment':

What these wonderful men and women do is not just taking these people on a 'lap around the stable' pony ride.(Not knocking anyone who gives free horsey rides to people with special needs here...it's just...well, let me continue...) Anyone going to an Ocean Cure camp, aside from getting a great day at the beach surfing with well trained, compassionate instructors are receiving far more than that. They BECOME surfers for that day (and for some, beyond that day...). The atmosphere, the camaraderie, the work involved with paddling out, the carefree conversation that takes place while waiting for the right wave...it's all part of the package, it all goes with the deal. It is sincere as it is exciting and it is not lost on anyone who participates or observes. These camps cater to numerous different groups with special needs. Children with autism, visual impairment, at risk youth from our local Boys and Girls club all have camps geared toward their specific needs. Camps are also run for veterans through Wounded Warriors and for Little Pink Houses of Hope (a group that provides weekend retreats in the Carolina's for breast cancer survivors). Ocean Cure's founder Kevin Murphy is also the Wrightsville Beach coordinator's for the Life Roll's On (a group that supports individuals with spinal cord injuries through action sports) camp.

As someone who has seen so much gain through this form of therapy with my son, I cannot be more of an advocate for this group. For years we never knew our son Tommy's identity. While Tommy was somewhat verbal and on the higher functioning side of the spectrum, his social components were where some of our greater concerns were. Tommy was/is what is referred to in the autism world as a 'scripter'. Sure it can be funny at times when he recites his lines from his favorite shows. He has become very good at pulling the right response of his endless file of one-liners gathered from his favorite shows. But we wanted our son to become "Tommy Lewis", not uuhhh, "Spongebob Lewis"! Surfing has become his identity now. Sure, Spongebob comes to the surface now and then, but he is no longer the one in total control. I guess you can call it an 'oceanic excorsism' or a 'nautical awakening', but my son's personality is no longer a resemblance of a casting call for Roger Rabbit redux, defined by the last thing he watched on Nickelodeon. Thanks to his friends at Ocean Cure, he is Tommy Lewis, surfer.

So that is MY take on these fine folks. They are the ones who create openings for doors that others might not see as having any passage for certain individuals....

...and I owe them.

Please donate @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis