You Ever Get The Feeling You're Being Watched...?
...Or Judged/Ridiculed/Mocked/Sentenced, etc., etc...
Definition from Merriam-Websters:
melt·down
noun \ˈmelt-ˌdau̇n\
Definition of MELTDOWN
1: the accidental melting of the core of a nuclear reactor
2: a rapid or disastrous decline or collapse
3: a breakdown of self-control (as from fatigue or overstimulation)
...ahhhhhh the old meltdown...Anyone reading who does not have a child on the spectrum will think that I am strictly referring to the 2nd and 3rd meanings of the definition of this word. This when I refer to the public breakdown of a child with autism who has just maxed out their tolerance level.
Uh-uh...
They can be nuclear, cataclysmic, seismic, inter-galactic-bombastic, yet very human, all rolled into one. The "meltdown factor" becomes the most critical element for special needs parents in day-to-day planning. Everything from a trip to Target to a doctor's appointment must be properly coordinated. "First time events" like going to movies, family vacations and other social events can often require dry-runs as well as verbal and visual prep.
...If not, the inexperienced or unprepared parent will experience the eventual, inevitable...When a meltdown occurs, you can feel the eyes turn towards you and your child. Sure some folks will pretend they don't notice, by kindly going about their business like nothing is wrong. Some might even give a smile or a sympathetic look. Perhaps they have had their own personal experiences with their own child. Maybe they have a friend with someone on the spectrum or they are just one of those compassionate types with a good heart. Unfortunately, the looks that you will notice, even FEEL the most, will be from the eyes of the ones who are judging you and your child without either an ounce of empathy for what the child or parent are going through. Even a child 'stimming' will garner the strange look or stare, that can sometimes come with the shake of a head. The look often says something like "lousy parenting". At least that is what my best attempt at reading looks is telling me that it says. Someone projecting this look wants me to put on my Pee-Wee Herman voice and say, "Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer!" Instead, I try not to give in to spite and say a prayer for such an individual. Before you shrug that one off as futile, consider this...
Several years ago, after attending Mass at our parish, my wife received an anonymous written to her, basically apologizing for misjudging her as a parent our first couple of years attending this parish. When we first got to St. Therese Catholic Church in Wrightsville Beach, our son Tommy was around 3 and a half years of age and recently diagnosed with autism. Some people did not take to this large family with the 3 year old that the parents had a hard time controlling.
Now, the purpose of me relating this is not to point out that some Christians can be hypocrites. As far as I'm concerned, we all are, higher power or not. The point is that this individual probably had very little dealings with children on the spectrum. They probably had some ideas on what good parents produce and left to their own devices, connected the dots and came up with their own conclusion. This individual I'm sure became re-educated after a couple of years watching us as a struggling family that never gave up at keeping this hard-to-handle little boy exposed to his faith, yet would remove him when he got to out of hand as to not be too disruptive. I'm also sure this individual then asked around and learned, sure their hands are full, their son has autism. Bottom line, they misjudged, apologized and now they advocate for us (While this individual sent the letter annonymously, we are pretty certain we know who they are. They are now a complete 180 in their attitude towards Tommy and the rest of us). They saw the cross that is such an integral part of our faith, being carried out through our son and his sufferings.
This is how to convert hearts and minds. You charitably re-educate them. Despite being somewhat of a cynic myself, I do believe that most people are good. That learning what autism is and how painful it can be for the child that has it, can take years to better understand. It took me a long time to build a relationship with my own flesh and blood due to my lack of understanding. Do you think it will be any easier for a stranger to grasp? Would I be one of the ones staring in judgment or without compassion?
As far as the rest of my parish goes, Tommy is now a well known and adored member. Sure a few people will still give 'the stare' now and then. The boy who loves to hug everyone instead of shaking their hands at the 'Kiss of Peace' moment of the Mass is not understood by all those we kneel in prayer with. But like the rest of the world who do not understand our Tommy, or the 1 in 88 children like him, I hope that they will someday get to view these children with Gods eyes and see just what they are missing. There is so much more than the occasional meltdown.
...ahhhhhh the old meltdown...Anyone reading who does not have a child on the spectrum will think that I am strictly referring to the 2nd and 3rd meanings of the definition of this word. This when I refer to the public breakdown of a child with autism who has just maxed out their tolerance level.
Uh-uh...
They can be nuclear, cataclysmic, seismic, inter-galactic-bombastic, yet very human, all rolled into one. The "meltdown factor" becomes the most critical element for special needs parents in day-to-day planning. Everything from a trip to Target to a doctor's appointment must be properly coordinated. "First time events" like going to movies, family vacations and other social events can often require dry-runs as well as verbal and visual prep.
...If not, the inexperienced or unprepared parent will experience the eventual, inevitable...When a meltdown occurs, you can feel the eyes turn towards you and your child. Sure some folks will pretend they don't notice, by kindly going about their business like nothing is wrong. Some might even give a smile or a sympathetic look. Perhaps they have had their own personal experiences with their own child. Maybe they have a friend with someone on the spectrum or they are just one of those compassionate types with a good heart. Unfortunately, the looks that you will notice, even FEEL the most, will be from the eyes of the ones who are judging you and your child without either an ounce of empathy for what the child or parent are going through. Even a child 'stimming' will garner the strange look or stare, that can sometimes come with the shake of a head. The look often says something like "lousy parenting". At least that is what my best attempt at reading looks is telling me that it says. Someone projecting this look wants me to put on my Pee-Wee Herman voice and say, "Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer!" Instead, I try not to give in to spite and say a prayer for such an individual. Before you shrug that one off as futile, consider this...
Several years ago, after attending Mass at our parish, my wife received an anonymous written to her, basically apologizing for misjudging her as a parent our first couple of years attending this parish. When we first got to St. Therese Catholic Church in Wrightsville Beach, our son Tommy was around 3 and a half years of age and recently diagnosed with autism. Some people did not take to this large family with the 3 year old that the parents had a hard time controlling.
Now, the purpose of me relating this is not to point out that some Christians can be hypocrites. As far as I'm concerned, we all are, higher power or not. The point is that this individual probably had very little dealings with children on the spectrum. They probably had some ideas on what good parents produce and left to their own devices, connected the dots and came up with their own conclusion. This individual I'm sure became re-educated after a couple of years watching us as a struggling family that never gave up at keeping this hard-to-handle little boy exposed to his faith, yet would remove him when he got to out of hand as to not be too disruptive. I'm also sure this individual then asked around and learned, sure their hands are full, their son has autism. Bottom line, they misjudged, apologized and now they advocate for us (While this individual sent the letter annonymously, we are pretty certain we know who they are. They are now a complete 180 in their attitude towards Tommy and the rest of us). They saw the cross that is such an integral part of our faith, being carried out through our son and his sufferings.
This is how to convert hearts and minds. You charitably re-educate them. Despite being somewhat of a cynic myself, I do believe that most people are good. That learning what autism is and how painful it can be for the child that has it, can take years to better understand. It took me a long time to build a relationship with my own flesh and blood due to my lack of understanding. Do you think it will be any easier for a stranger to grasp? Would I be one of the ones staring in judgment or without compassion?
As far as the rest of my parish goes, Tommy is now a well known and adored member. Sure a few people will still give 'the stare' now and then. The boy who loves to hug everyone instead of shaking their hands at the 'Kiss of Peace' moment of the Mass is not understood by all those we kneel in prayer with. But like the rest of the world who do not understand our Tommy, or the 1 in 88 children like him, I hope that they will someday get to view these children with Gods eyes and see just what they are missing. There is so much more than the occasional meltdown.
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