"Captain Sarcasm Meets Literal Boy"

...or, "Just the Facts Man, Just the Facts"

All righty then...I'll start out by saying something that right away will not sound so good... "In my defense" ***cringes*** (that never sounds good, does it?), I would like to point out several facts:
1~ I am the youngest of seven from an Irish-Catholic family
B~ I grew up in Brooklyn, NY
III~I did 4 years in the Navy
Lastly~ I am a retired NYC Police Officer

...Sarcasm has been a way of LIFE for me. Born into it, raised on it, perfected it in some of the most unforgiving work environments you can imagine(The only being on earth, equal in sarcasm to a Navy man, is a member of the NYPD). One might say I've gained 'Super Sarcasm' powers. "Mighty is my power..."

Most of my children have been delving into the fine art of flippancy a time or two themselves...except one of course...You see, autism and sarcasm are not a very good match. This is a reality that I, "Captain Sarcasm" must face each and every day. You see, my son Tommy has 'anti-sarcasm' powers. Powers that negate my sarcasm and turn them against me...he is..."Literal Boy". His powers are to take all that is said at face value, no matter what...

EXAMPLE:

Literal Boy: Dad, can I have a hot dog for lunch?

Captain Sarcasm: Sure Tommy, who looks tastier,  Rosie or Bella? (A boy should have a choice when it comes to yummy pets)

Literal Boy: AGGGHHH!!!!

Captain Sarcasm(scratching head): Hmmm, that should have went over better...

Six other youngsters in my house, at this age or younger, would have been doubled over while worshiping at the altar of my sophomoric humor. But not "Literal Boy". "Captain Sarcasm" needed to find a new approach to maintain balance in the "Justice League". "Literal Boy's" brothers Pat ("Moody-Mini-Hulk") and Brendan ("Captain Overly-Scrupulous") would bust a gut over a threat to make them sleep in the garage if they don't quite down. If our Tommy heard such an utterance, I'd seriously have to worry about him dropping dime on me to DSS! Sarcasm doesn't work with him. It just ain't happening here, no matter how clever I think I am.

While I might be making light of it, addressing sarcasm is the actually the easy part of watching what you say around someone as literal as our son. A sarcastic comment takes a second of thought before it is spoken. Imparting a bit of self control to my 'super sarcasm power' seems to do the trick. The tough part is those darn metaphors that seem to pop up in everyday conversation. "Raining cats and dogs" can sound apocalyptic to a child with autism. Telling Tommy to "shake a tail feather" when I'm in a hurry would certainly NOT prompt him to rush to catch up to me. It might make him stop dead in his tracks to look and see if anything is growing out of his backside that he might have overlooked.

The stress that comes with a misunderstood comment is something we deal with from time to time. I can give some whopping examples, some which I'll touch on in future posts. The point I guess, is that the 'super-powers' a parent of a child on the spectrum needs to tap into are sensitivity and patience. These powers, wrapped in an ability to step outside of the box and attempt to perceive and interpret from the child's point of view is true heroism. The ones displaying THOSE powers are the real super heroes for a child with autism. 

So after much pondering in my "Fortress of Solitude", "Captain Sarcasm" is deferring his duties to "Captain Sensitive".  

***pssst...don't tell anyone, but they have the same secret identity!!!***


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