Understanding Anxious

a little perspective from my son's point of view

"I DON'T WANT TO GET STUFFED IN A LOCKER"...."Well now Tommy, I promise I won't stuff you in a locker", was my reply, wondering what caused this spontaneous outburst (which was best comparable to dropping a Mentos into a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke). "No, when you go to middle school, the 7th and 8th graders stuff the new kids into lockers..."

Nooooow it's all making sense...You can see it coming with Tommy most times, you just can't always tell WHAT is coming...This was what was spoiling his last few weeks of summer, that he somehow could not articulate the fear of starting middle school, for fear of getting bent like a pretzel and stuffed into a locker. Thank you very much generic, lame-o, tweener-angst Disney Channel show! Tommy felt a whole lot better at student orientation, when he saw that their was no way he could fit into the little 1 & 1/2 "x 3" lockers in the halls. His recovery was much quicker than the time when he was 8 and he had a classmate tell him that aliens were going to eat all of his fingertips off. The poor guy was counting his digits every 10 minutes for about 12 months!

While autism is indeed a spectrum where no two children are the same, one thing that I've noticed from my own personal observations is that anxiety seems to sadly be a VERY common denominator in these children. When you combine a high functioning,intelligent child with autism with their understanding of social skills that they have not yet mastered(our young Thomas is pretty smart), the end result can often be quite frustrating for them. For example, the ability to tell the kid that is imparting aliens to come eat your toes to take a hike doesn't jibe with the concept of trust others and make friends. Those Disney shows are a lot of fun and I enjoy them so much, they wouldn't dare exaggerate the truth, right? The pursuance or confirmation of the truth can be monumental and sometimes impossible for a child with autism, as can advocating for ones basic human dignity.

I really got to thinking about my sons anxieties and how hard they must be for him when I was preparing for my weigh in day. It couldn't come fast enough and the thoughts going through my head were constant. Will I reach my weight goal? Will I reach my goal in donations? Will I look like a jackass? (Please keep that one to yourself!) I guess that I haven't challenged myself like this in quite a while and quite frankly, I was getting anxious myself! It is easy for me though, I have my wife to go to and express my feelings and get the boost I need to get over myself. I have years of coping mechanisms  to turn to (go for a walk, pray, read, etc. ) that can help me regulate my tensions. Children like my son have their fears of the unknown amplified by the fact that they cannot adequately express what it is that is troubling them. They sometimes understand what is tormenting them (sometimes not). Bottom line though is, they just don't know how to express it to those who can help them.

My moment of clarity with Tommy's anxiety came about a year ago. We had just gotten our first Ipad and it became a bit of a family obsession...

(yes, me guilty too...)

One morning after getting the crew off on the bus to school (4 grade school, 2 high school and 1 college...not easy) my wife Tara noticed the Ipad was nowhere to be found. I get the call at work asking if I'd seen it.

"The last I'd seen it, it was charging in the living room..."

"Well it's not there..."

..."the sea became angry that day my friend." The accusations were flying in the Lewis home like paper airplanes in a 4th grade classroom monitored by a substitute.

"Brendan had it last!!!"..."No, Annie did"..."Breda had it in her room, I saw her"..."I think Dad had it last!"....WU-WU-WHAAAT????
Every scenario was presented and EVERYONE was a suspect...finally after the second night, a very somber Tommy, who had been rather quiet and the only one without an accusation hurled at another, came into our room...

(drop Mento into Coke product)

 "I DID IT... I TRIED SNEAKING THE IPAD TO SCHOOL!!!"

"Okay Tommy, where did you put it?"
"I GOT SCARED AND THREW IT OUT THE BUS WINDOW ON THE WAY BACK HOME...I DIDN'T WANT TO GET IN TROUBLE!!!"

For two days he kept this to himself. For two days he pondered consequences. For two days he made himself suffer, keeping this to himself. He knew he was wrong, he knew he had to answer for it. It wasn't about ducking the inevitable. He tore himself up over his actions for two straight days. He didn't even take it out at school, as he knew it was wrong and he would get in more trouble. As the U2 song goes, he found himself "stuck in a moment and he can't get out of it". Whatever initial anger we might have felt immediately turned to heartache, knowing that he could have told us at any time he wanted, but he just didn't know how.

Anyone who knows my wife and I as parents, know we are no softies. Our kids can expect discipline, Tommy included. This was one instance where Tommy got a pass. He had punished himself enough.

So here I am, 3 days into my project with no anxieties. I have been doing well (a bit cranky the first day, all that Halloween candy still staring me in the face!), I've been getting a lot of support and no one has threatened to stuff me in a locker or bite my fingertips off. Best of all, another teachable moment courtesy of our son. My worries are quite small...

...oh, and the Ipad WAS recovered! It landed in a ditch, a neighbor found it and put an ad up in the lost and found section of Craigslist!!!

Please donate @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis 

Weighing In...

....Ruh-Roh

***sorry for the delay in posting...I had a problem downloading pictures!!!***

First off, I was hoping to have put another post up before my weigh-in, but with all that was going on with hurricane Sandy, I had a lot on my mind. My wife and I both have family that were caught in the path of Sandy. While all are safe, they are all dealing with the aftermath, including the loss of their homes. I ask that they be kept in your prayers, as well as all the others trying to get through the devastation.

The last two nights were my "Last Call to Gluttony" for a lack of a better phrase. When Halloween comes in my house, you can bet that the ruling government...ME, will be imparting the concept of 'redistribution of wealth'  with any Trick or Treat partakers in that live under my roof.

Tribute must be paid!!!

So I got my last licks(pun intended) in at the Tootsie-Rolls, Butterfingers, Snickers, Reeses and Mounds candies I so dearly love. Not to worry though, they were of the bite size variety, I guarantee you!

Yesterday was my daughter Molly's birthday and...well, I had to have some of her birthday cake to celebrate, right? Soooo...The timing is perfect for my goal. From November 2nd, 90 days leaves us perfectly to January 31st, the end of the month. You might be wondering at this moment, is Tom stalling...I just might be!!!

Well, I've built this up long enough... here it goes...

 

 

...just kidding...this time it's for real...

Oooooooh...I wish I was STILL kidding...

Well there you have it... 264.4 lbs... (ouch!!!)

***Caution...things in this picture might actually appear larger than what they are!!!***

Not much more to say, 90 days to lose 40 to 50 of it. All for the worthy cause of Ocean Cure. Please feel free to donate once you buy into the fact that I am serious about this. I will be posting 2 or 3 times a week about the ups and downs of my mission, to spread some autism awareness, to show the community what Ocean Cure is all about and what it has done for my son Tommy, as well as how my family and I deal with his autism. Please check in on me and feel free to comment...it'll help keep me on track! Let the games begin!!!

***Next weigh-in will be Friday, November 16th!!***

Thanks for the support!

 

Please donate @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis 

 

The Cat is Out of the Bag!!!

I just put out on my Facebook my goal and intentions...

While I am quite ready to provide a chuckle or two at my own expense, I can't get the picture out of my head that it might turn out like this...

Seriously, I don't want to sabotage myself before this starts. I know through focus and prayer I will see this through. At the forefront of my intentions will always be the fact that while I know that I could quit this right now, before I even start, my son will always have autism. That is something he cannot 'quit'. So do I REALLY have a choice in this?

Weighing in on Friday November 2nd...

Donate @: http://www.crowdrise.com/tomlewis

Take a Deep Breath...Step Up...Dive In...And Don't Forget The Courage!

 Put 'em up, put 'em up!

 

 

So what makes me think it will work this time? I mean, for ten years I've been attempting to shed the excessive weight that I've been carrying around with no luck. Sure I've had my moments. 20 to 25 pounds here and there, only to come back, and always short of the 50 or 60 that I need to lose. The realization that something bolder, more drastic, or dare I say radical needed to be done regarding my generous girth...

 

Before I go any further, I'll give a little background on myself. I grew up in Brooklyn New York, the youngest of seven children. I served 4 years in the Navy as an enlisted Aircrewman, flying off the deck of aircraft carriers. I had the privilege of wearing the badge of a New York City Police Officer. I also happen to be a happily married father of seven children myself. I know what courage is, I might have even displayed this virtue myself a time or two! All this being said, the greatest display of courage I witness every day, comes from an anxious, apprehensive eleven year old boy. My son Tommy.

 

One would reasonably ask, how does a worrisome little boy display courage? Well, my son Tommy has autism. Every day for him contains fear and uncertainty. He misunderstands and is misunderstood. He is left out and overlooked. He holds in what he should let out and let's out what we wish he could control. Yet Tommy gets up every day and carries his burden without complaint. He is aware of his autism, yet approaches his life determined that his autism will not define him, but that he will define his autism.

...this is courage.

So, where does this fit in with my belly hanging over my belt? Well, after looking back at the accomplishments in my life, I noticed that I seemed to be at my best when I was doing something for others. I also know that if I do something as radical as make a spectacle of myself for the amusement of others, I'll be more likely to follow through with my convictions. Nothing motives ones courage like throwing yourself to the wolves! My sons has also inspired me to do something more with this quest of mine than to just lose weight.

Anyway, here is my pitch:

Starting November 2nd, I plan to travel my road back to fitness. I will attempt to lose 40 to 50 pounds, keeping a running blog of my efforts, the good, the bad and the ugly of it. I will do this for 90 days, with my final weigh-in on January 31st 2013. I have also set up a fundraiser to raise money for a local group who are near and dear to my son and family, Ocean Cure. Ocean Cure is a non-profit organization, dedicated to giving free surf lessons to medically fragile and at risk youth and adults. Tommy has been surfing with them for 3 years now. I'll be talking more about these folks in future posts, let's just say these tremendous people have a way of opening doors for others who have been written off. I can't begin to tell you what they have done for our son and for others.

The other intent of this blog is to help spread the awareness of autism. The rate that autism is growing is beyond alarming. My greatest hope is that my son can succeed in a world that is not catered to him, but one that has adapted to him, and can fully appreciate his uniqueness and utilize the wonderful talents he has to offer.

 

So there you go, my goal to "Shed to Shred". (Thought I'd throw some surfer lingo in there!) I'll be leaving my heart, soul and hopefully much poundage on the doorstep for this cause I've created. Hopefully I can give a laugh and a tear where I can on this journey. You can donate via Crowdrise, my link is Shed to Shred.  Please help me meet my donation goal. I'd also appreciate your prayers for my strength and perseverance.

Here goes nothing!